My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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