ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
