he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
