mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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