this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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