thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
