I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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