Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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