dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
