I'm so fucking centered right now
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
