and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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