the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
