My nipple is on Facebook.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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