Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
