i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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