I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
