im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I cut my penus on the lid.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
