I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
