I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
