When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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