Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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