Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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