Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
