there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
