eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
