Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
