to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
