I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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