Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
