I love black thongs
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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