why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
