and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
