The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
