I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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