The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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