apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
