too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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