I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
