i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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