You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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