It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
