Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
