She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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