Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
