i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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