Umm I'm too high to move.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
