i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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