he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
