also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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