Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
