My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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