i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
