I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
