i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
