When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
