WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
