Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
