I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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