While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
