Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
